I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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