bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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