I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
