you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
