He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
