i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
