How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
