i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
