highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
zippers are such a cool invention
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
