Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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