guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
