I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize