Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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