dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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