she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
