That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
