I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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