Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
