You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i think i just naturally attract stoners
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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