Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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