Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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