Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
