I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
