Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
