I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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