Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
