Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
