so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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