You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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