i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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