I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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