There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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