i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
