I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize