can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
