Pappa wants mamma naked
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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