I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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