You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
