I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
