Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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