I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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