I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
