I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
