my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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