imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
