He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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