dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
