You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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