i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
