he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
