i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
