Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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