I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
