the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
