so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
