after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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