I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
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She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
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You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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