The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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