my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
