I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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