I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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