We named our party play list daddy issues
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
