I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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