Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
