Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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