My room smells like vodka and shame
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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