I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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