Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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