My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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