You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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