she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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