giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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