Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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