By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's shark week go big or go home
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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